I painted my nails red with this shade. Because a few days ago I was thinking about my grandma. Red is her favorite color.
Last Sunday was probably the last time I saw her. She is 95 years old and she is currently in hospice care, so once we leave our bodies, she will be heading wherever we go.
I would like to think that she will soon become my angel, visiting me from time to time as a joyfully fluttering butterfly. Some people may think she’s ridiculous, but that’s how I like to think.
We visited her last Sunday and seeing her so small on the bed made me feel so humble.
How do you say goodbye to someone? Nothing prepares you for the most difficult things. I think sadness is such a cruel thing.
I talked to her for a long time, and what came to mind were memories from when I was little, about 4 or 5 years old. Grandma took me to the Sears photo studio to have my photo taken. I got a Dorsey Hamill haircut and I loved it! She dressed me in a blue dress with a white ribbon and painted my little nails a bright, shiny red.
She painted my nails again when I was a teenager. That’s when she gave me my first real manicure while we were sitting at the kitchen table. She felt so grown up when she used her nail file to shape my nails and took control of the nail brush without leaving any excess polish on her fingers I remember how in awe I was of her abilities.
I held her hand when I met her last Sunday, and her nails looked perfect as always. They were naked but very smooth and perfectly oval shaped. It’s a memory that will stay in my heart forever.
Before you board the plane, I have some news to share. The big scary thing I thought I might have was a test I took that said “no,” but that wasn’t all. It gave me some relief, but I still don’t have a final diagnosis. This means you will have to undergo another test and will continue to live in this “in-between” world for a while until everything is resolved. .
Strangely enough, through all of this, the universe has been communicating one big message to me very clearly. Being alive is truly a blessing.
Simple things like walking Connor to school, drinking a cup of coffee, or waking up to the sounds of the people you love unconditionally in your home are the greatest gifts.
Thank you for sharing this little joy in life with me, and I promise it won’t always be this heavy! I’m just trying my best to get through it all.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
